Whatsername
by XxemocupcakexX
Summary: 200 years later, Jacob still hasn't moved on. Songfic


_**--Whatsername--**_

_Thought I ran into you down on the street_

_Then it turned out to only be a dream_

I could have sworn it was her. She had the same pale skin, and her face was masked in her mane of dark hair. I thought I could see the glimmer of her chocolate eyes through it.

I had called out to her. She didn't look up.

I woke with a start, remembering the dream. It brought a fresh wave of pain, as did any reminder of her. That's why I had come here, to be free of the agony always brought on by anything that reminded me of her. It had been two hundred years. I should have gotten over it by then. A normal person would have. But then again, had I ever been normal? I was a werewolf, for Christ's sake. I sighed and turned over in bed, willing my mind to banish the thoughts that were fast becoming unbearable.

_I made a point to burn all of the photographs_

I'd made a job of it, getting rid of anything that reminded me of her. I had smashed the frames that held the photographs of her, smiling warmly at the camera. I couldn't bear to look at them. It caused me unendurable pain. Pain that I just wished would go away. I'd gotten into some bad habits. Like the painkillers. I had been addicted to those for almost a year before I managed to stop. She wouldn't like it, I had thought to myself. And though she had hurt me beyond repair, I couldn't stand the thought of causing her pain.

_She went away and then I took a different path_

How could she be gone? She was always there before, my own sun that shone out through the darkest night.

I had seen it all in my head. The wedding, the children. We would have been so happy together. But she was addicted to that bloodsucker, and she couldn't stop. I wanted that future so bad it hurt.

I had run away from everyone. I couldn't stand it. I had to leave.

_I remember the face but I can't recall the name_

_And now I wonder how whatsername has been_

It caused me fresh pangs of agony when I realized I couldn't remember her name. It had been the staple in my life. What was it? Didn't it begin with a B? Becky? No, that didn't sound right.

Every detail of her face was perfect in my memory, like I had a photo emblazoned in front of my eyes. But the name: the name escaped me.

I sometimes wonder about her. Wonder if she is happy. Though it causes me untold grief, I wonder if she is still alive. A minor slip by that leech could have killed her. I would have been so much better for her. Sure, I could lose control sometimes. But at least I didn't have a burning desire to drink her blood.

_Seems that she disappeared without a trace_

I had vainly searched for her in the first few years. No records. Nothing. She had just…vanished. Charlie had told me that he came up to look for her, and she was gone. No note, nothing to tell anyone of where she was or why she went away. How could she have been so careless? Charlie figured she had run away with him. Which I'm sure she did. Then he would have changed her, and she would have become my mortal enemy. How could someone so perfect be a…one of…_them_?

_Did she ever marry old what's-his-face?_

The wedding invitation had been what pushed me over the edge. I had torn it to shreds and burned the paper marred with his elegant script. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to invite me. I would have lost control at the wedding. I would have killed everyone there, including her. I would have ripped him to shreds, because he took her away from me. Bastard. But I would never have hurt him while thinking straight. He made her happy, and the one thing that was worse than my anguish would be the knowledge that I had caused her pain.

I like to think that she would have realized the mistake she was making. That she loved me more than him. But I knew that she didn't. She had made that quite clear.

_Remember, whatever, it seems like forever ago_

It always seemed like yesterday, and then the next minute an eternity ago. Life stopped when she left. I struggled to remember the little things about her. Anything. But she was slipping away from me, piece by piece. Every moment, I would cease to remember something small about her. It infuriated me.

_The regrets are useless in my mind_

_She's in my head_

I regretted not telling her how much she meant to me. If she had known, maybe we would have lived happily ever after. I would gladly have stopped phasing so that I could grow old with her. That was one thing the bloodsucker could never have done for her.

I couldn't stop thinking about her. Every time I closed my eyes, there she was, in all her perfection. I hated it. I hated not being able to forget her and move on with my life. But she was one of those people who were impossible to forget.

_And in the darkest night_

_If my memory serves me right_

_I'll never turn back time_

_Forgetting you, but not the time_

I would never make time turn around. I would never see her again. Ever. If I could have gone back and convinced her to stay, I would have been dead.

So she slipped away from me, piece by piece. Pieces that can never be brought back. Pieces of her were irreplaceable.

I would wallow in my misery until the end of time.

But she would be happy. Hopefully. I couldn't be happy when I loved her as much as I did. But her happiness was more important than mine. And so, to spare her from the agony I felt, I thought it necessary to be the one who bore it.

I loved her.

A/N: Sadly, the song 'Whatsername' belongs to Green Day, not me. And guess what? I don't own the Twilight characters either, I just play with them in my sick, twisted mind.

Comments and concrit are always welcome. Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
